#7 Communication: It’s More Than Just Talking
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
Communication is often treated as a simple exchange of words. One person speaks, the other listens, and understanding is assumed. But anyone who’s ever felt misunderstood knows that communication is far more complex—and far more human—than that.
Communication isn’t just about what’s said. It’s shaped by tone, body language, past experiences, expectations, emotions, and the invisible filters each person brings into the moment. Much of what goes wrong in communication doesn’t happen because people don’t care—but because they don’t realize how much interpretation is happening beneath the surface.
This reflection invites a slower, more conscious approach to communication—one rooted in curiosity, listening, and shared responsibility.
Communication Is a Loop, Not a Line
At its core, communication is a process. A message is formed, sent, filtered through noise (both external and emotional), received, interpreted, and then responded to. At any point, meaning can shift.
What makes communication tricky isn’t usually the message itself—it’s the filters involved. Mood, history, assumptions, and past wounds all shape how messages are encoded and decoded. Two people can hear the same words and walk away with entirely different meanings.
🌀 Try This: The Filter Check
After a recent conversation, ask yourself:
What did I hear the other person say?
What meaning did I add?
Which past experiences or assumptions may have influenced my interpretation?
This isn’t about blame—just awareness.
Tone, Body Language, and All Things Unsaid
Much of communication happens without words. Tone of voice, facial expressions, pauses, and posture all communicate meaning—sometimes more loudly than the words themselves.
Conflict often arises not from what was said, but from how it was heard. When tone or delivery triggers a past experience, the body reacts before the mind can catch up.
🌀 Try This: Practice With Another Person
In a low-stakes conversation, try this:
Reflect back what you heard: “What I’m hearing is…”
Ask: “Did I get that right?”
This simple practice can prevent misunderstandings from taking root.
Trust Is Built (and Rebuilt) Over Time
In close relationships, communication carries history. When trust has been strained, even well-intended messages can be filtered through past disappointment or hurt.
Trust isn’t rebuilt through a single conversation—it’s rebuilt through consistency. Small, reliable actions matter more than grand gestures. Safety grows when people feel heard, respected, and appreciated for honesty.
Just as importantly, creating trust sometimes requires changing how we respond—not just what we say.
🌀 Try This: Creating Safety
In your next difficult conversation, notice:
How do I respond when the other person shares something uncomfortable?
Do my reactions make it easier—or harder—for them to be honest next time?
Communication Changes With Context
Communication looks different depending on the relationship. Intimate relationships often carry deeper emotional patterns. Work and social relationships require clarity and adaptability. What connects in one context may confuse or overwhelm in another.
Effective communication involves adjusting language, tone, and expectations to fit the relationship—without losing authenticity.
🌀 Try This: Audience Awareness
Before speaking, pause and ask:
Who am I speaking to?
What do they need right now—clarity, empathy, reassurance, or space?
How can I communicate in a way that serves connection?
Communication Isn’t Always Verbal
People give and receive care in different ways. For some, words matter most. For others, actions, time, or presence speak louder.
Miscommunication often happens when care is expressed in one “language” but received in another.
🌀 Try This: Noticing What Lands
Pay attention this week:
How do people respond when you offer encouragement, help, or time?
What seems to make them feel most seen or appreciated?
Let their response guide how you communicate care.
Listening as an Act of Leadership
One of the most powerful communication skills is genuine listening. Not listening to reply, fix, or impress—but listening to understand.
When people feel truly heard, trust grows. Conversations deepen. Influence emerges naturally—not from dominance, but from presence.
Sometimes the most meaningful response isn’t advice, but an invitation:
“Say more.”
🌀 Try This: Listening Without Fixing
In a conversation this week:
Let the other person finish without interrupting.
Resist the urge to solve or reframe.
Reflect back what you heard and pause.
Notice how the tone of the conversation shifts.
Closing Reflection
Communication isn’t something you master once and move on from. It’s a lifelong practice—shaped by awareness, humility, and compassion.
Misunderstandings will happen. Filters will appear. But with curiosity and presence, communication can become less about being right and more about staying connected.
The invitation isn’t to speak perfectly—but to listen more fully, react more slowly, and remain open to learning what you don’t yet see.